The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.' ****************************************************************************************** Two neighbors were having a chat when one said, 'I took my dog to the vet today because it bit my mother-in-law.' The other asked, 'Did you put it to sleep?' 'No, of course not,' said the first, 'I had its teeth sharpened.'

**************************************************************************************** A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. As the Bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.' The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.' As the woman finishes her drink, the man to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.' The old woman says, 'Thank you.

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Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming up,' says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.' The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.' 'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?' The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.

Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'